Monday, April 14, 2008

April needs to slow down.

Parrott Had their prom this past week as well. I went up to the beach as a DD for my boy, who was trying to meet some girls; who, at those houses, were practically handed to you in a goody bag upon entering. Worse turns to worse, and I end up driving some drunk marine's tanked out truck to the store to buy some cigarettes. We'll call my passenger "Buddy", as that was a term he was pretty fond of.

"I've never been pulled over before. Two years and counting", I tell him. A fact I was really proud of at the time. Two minutes later, I'm sitting in a gas station parking lot, pulled over, with blue lights in my rear-view.

Kane: "What do I tell him? What did I do?"
Buddy: "I don't know dude, just tell him what he asks."
*Cop walks up to the window, flashlight in hand and skeptical look on his face*
Pig: "You boys been drinkin' tonight?"
Kane: "Nah, I'm actually a DD for the night."
Buddy: "I'm drunk and there is a shotgun in the back of this here truck."

There is no way I can describe the look that came over my face when I heard Buddy say that to the cop.
Pig: "Excuse me young man?"
Buddy: "I have a gun in the back of the car. It's unloaded and I ain't tryin' to get no concealed weapon ticket."

Suprisingly, him clearing that up and being so honest with the cop got him off our back. Cop pulled me out of the car, told me that I was one of the worst truck drivers I had ever seen, informed me that turning lanes an dividing lines are not just there to make the road pretty, breathylized me, attempted to get me to tell him where the party was, and sent me on my way. He didn't even give Buddy a ticket for underage drinking!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

New Month

Conversations with my boss at GS:

Rodney: So, Kane, isn't it funny how different our generations are?
Kane: Uhhhh. I guess. You wear sweaters to work, I wear polos. Crazy.
Rodney: That's not the only difference. For example, what would you say if I told you to straighten up those shelves over yonder?
Kane: Ummm... "OK"?
Rodney: Well, maybe the first time. Maybe even the second time. But on the third, I'm pretty sure you would give me some "lip".
Kane: I mean, it is my job... I doubt I would complain about having to do my job.
Rodney, as if I had answered"Damn right I would"*: I guess I should just learn to expect it. Your generation doesn't realise how easy you have it. All the rights you have that MY generation earned for you.
Kane: Rodney... You realize, I'm not black, right? I would have the same rights despite what your generation had accomplished. Probably more.
Rodney: Right... Well anyways, go home and change your shoes. You have to wear dress shoes to work. And remember to clock out until you get back.

And another.

Rodney: Kane, why are your pre-orders so low?
Kane: Because we're located in the Twin Rivers Mall. We don't get any customers.
Rodney: Rubbish! What do you call those over there? *points at two little babies running around the store*
Kane: Children who's parents drop them off, with no money, while they go check the blue-light deals at K-mart. Every single day. Do you think we can get a sign that says "GAMESTOP IS NOT FREE CHILD CARE"?
Rodney: Kane, you're looking at it the wrong way. Go up to them, tell them about upcoming games. Perhaps they will get their parents to buy them later.
Rodney *to kids*: Hey guys! Heard about Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
Kids: *keep running around like hooligans*
Rodney: It's coming out soon, and it's really going to revelutionaryize the gjonder of fighting games
Kane: Excuse me Rodney?
Rodney: Brawl. the fighting gjonder is going to be revolutionaryized by it.
Kane: Ok, that's waht I thought you said. Just making sure.